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Editorial

Marriage and Family


To Err Really is Human



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02/01/2012 - Here is a little something about myself. I am deceptive. I love to lure unsuspecting victims. It's all about fun for me. I take great pride in my ability to trick my victims into thinking I am offering something beneficial only to get them within my grasp for the kill. And I do often, literally kill. I am also a stalker of sorts. Sometimes I seek out specific victims. If I can't get that specific victim to come to me, I attack. Usually, I do this from behind some sort of cover so that they never see me coming.

You may ask how I can be like this, yet, my wife, Carla, stays with me. Let me tell you about her. Quite often, she will go with me. We enjoy teaming up together. On her own time she can be very controlling of people. She will tell them to do things that often go against their will. If they refuse, she will pull in every resource she can come up with to make them obey. She doesn't usually do this to people who are capable of defending themselves; rather, she usually exerts herself on those who are already in bad shape. Many of the things she does inflict pain on the other person. Sometimes, she will even get that person to do something that causes their own pain.

You may or may not agree with the things we do. At least we are honest about who we are. It is becoming harder and harder to find people who are willing to be very real about their shortcomings. I don't know of any person out there who will argue that they are perfect. In fact, many will argue they are not perfect as an attempt to justify bad decisions which hurt others. The irony is, that in the very next breath, we are quick to defend ourselves and shift blame on someone else.

We all do this. When we hurt or offend somebody we care about such as a spouse or close friend, we hold an expectation that they will forgive us and not bring it up. If they do bring it up, we become defensive and find a way to argue that they are somehow at fault. We tell them "nobody is perfect" then tell them not to judge us or to let it go. What very few of us do is apologize and acknowledge the fact that we messed up. Not many of us are good at accepting fault and trying to make some sort of amends to the person we hurt. When we say "nobody is perfect" we are not apologizing. Instead, we are denying responsibility for our behavior, arguing that we only did what we did because we are not in control and a victim to our own humanness.

When we mess up it is because we made poor decisions. We are the only people who are responsible for our selves. Many of you, like myself, need to learn to become very real with ourselves. When a person confronts us for hurting them, we need learn to say, "I am sorry. I truly didn't mean or want to hurt you. Please forgive me. Is there any way I can make it up to you."

If you have been hurt, it is your job to forgive the other person and be a safe person for him/her to apologize to. We can go a long way toward repairing a broken relationship when we can own our actions and not worry about the other person doing the same thing. Their actions are their responsibility, so let it stay there. You are responsible for your own actions, so keep that your focus.

If you thought I was joking about the things my wife and I do, I assure you I was not. My wife and I both love to hunt and fish. And my wife loves her job as a nurse.

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